jikokeno3.3

I have been terribly lax.

I was reminded yesterday by Francis that I haven't updated this diary in a long, long time. I was also reminded that, as I am terrible at talking to people via phone, text or SMS, this diary is the only way people know what I'm up to. So, a little update, in handy headed sections.

Work

Due to an incident, my 6 month probation period was extended. I was expected to hit unreasonable sales targets up until my probationary meeting last week. I failed to do this, and narrowly escaped with my job - they've extended my probation for one more month. Which, with a different viewpoint, means I've got one month's notice to find another job. In addition, I have a disciplinary hearing tomorrow which may result in my instant dismissal. That's about it for work. I find the entire subject rather depressing.

But I do have a job interview for an inbound call centre tomorrow, at 4. I'm leaving work at 3 to go to this "doctor's appointment."

Comicks

I just can't think of anything funny. And I left my planner in Manchester. Which sucks, as I can't remember what I'd planned this week, and as such I'm a day behind and don't know what I'm doing. I started the comic broadcasting tomorrow on Saturday, and I only just finished it today. It's hard to be funny when one feels that one's life is dissolving around one.


Life etc

Did I mention that we've only got 2 months to find a house before the contract runs out and we're all left homeless? No?

I've decided to see a doctor regarding the "depression" I've had since i was 15. Last time I did this I was 18 and the doctor told me I needed to get out more and make new friends. In a culture where anyone with a headache is prescribed anti-depressants, this diagnosis made me feel even worse, and as such I'm somewhat apprehensive about seeing another idiot with a medical schooling. But I feel it needs to be done, even if all that comes out of it is self validation. Best case scenario, I get a new pill to replace the ibuprofen addiction I struggled to get rid of. Did I tell you about that? Probably not. Turns out I was taking so many it was actually causing the headaches I was taking the pills to extinguish. Let's face it though, kids. Anti-depressant addiction is, like, so totally rad.

All of the colour built up in my life through the comic and my friends and my status quo has desaturated. I wrote a song yesterday that is based around G, the happiest of chords, with words that would make Pete Wenz (sp) cry. I find no excitement in the comic, which is horrible as it's something I do in my free time that I'm not getting paid for, and yet want so terribly to be paid for. My supposed best friend has seemingly forgotten about my existence, and is being a hypocrite - justification for such a comment will not be dissected here however. Some things should be kept behind closed doors. My status quo is now one hovering, much in the style of Wile E Coyote prior to looking down, over a vast and deadly precipice. I feel it's only a matter of time before my eyes peer towards the ground and the rest of my sorry carcass follows suit.

This entry was really cathartic to write. There's something liberating about stream-of-consciousness-vast-paragraph writing. Sorry it's been so long in the making.

posted by Cos Ryan @ 12:52 PM