jikokeno3.3

Pill Diary

Hello, children.

It's like, going so great for me. My comic's getting more hits than it has ever received, I got a great review in my one to one review last week, and work has just been fantastic. The only thing is that I wish that I could actually say things like that and mean them. Now that'd be a great way to start a diary post.

Come on man, it's a Saturday and it's 7.22 and I'm up and awake and ready to hop on down to the bus stop to work for another fucking 9 hour shift, filled no doubt with idiots with too much credit getting disappointed to the point of tears when they find their unnecessary order is out of stock. One woman on Thursday told me that to be told that her item was out of stock was like a "shot from hell." I shit you not and I quote directly. A shot from hell? Let us pray that you never get cancer; I'm just not sure you have the similes or metaphors to deal with that kind of crisis.

Right, let me see. Comics. Dead Ends finally restarted in what I hope will be the end of the crappy absences. I feel like a bit of a fraud when I tell people about the comic and I've not actually updated in a month or so. Friday's comic still hasn't been uploaded, but looking at the pencilled artwork of Friday Part One I'm fairly sure you'll agree it's worth the wait. In any case, it'll be online before Monday, I'm thinking Sunday afternoon/evening. Like I said, I've got a 9 hour shift today which is inconveniently placed between 9.45 and 7.15. Add travel times to the mix and it means that the bulk of my day is out of bounds. I'll see what I can get done during work, but I doubt there's anything I'll be able to do.

Work... well, I had my disciplinary hearing. I didn't get my expected final written warning which I have to say is a good thing. If there's one thing I am good at it's talking around things - it took Skipton two extensions of my probation before they finally fired me. I managed to convince Manager Scott that the two absences were related, which to be honest they were, and he decided not to go ahead with the warning. I still got a verbal from the first absence, but that's something I can handle. I can only hope now that I manage to stay awake in the morning long enough to get to work on time. Well, just get to work. If I have another absence in the next 9 months I could be dismissed.

And... the pills. I've noticed not one single iota of a difference in the way my brain works. I've been cheerier at work, asking customers how they are and things, which in turn has led to me taking loads of unauthorised breaks because I feel my head is going to explode. A few headaches here and there, and a bit of nausea when I first took them, but two weeks into my course and that's about it. Oh, and a bit of impotence, but let's face it, that's hardly a problem with me. No, as far as I'm concerned, it's a tablet I take when I wake up that is so far doing as much good for me as a sugar pill. On saying that, the "doctor" said I need to give them three weeks to work. Three weeks out of a course of four seems very lucrative. As soon as you realise you need them you have to shell out another £7.10. Nice strategem.

But yeah, as far as I know I'm still Cos. At least, I think I am. I still find Cos a worthless idiot, so that can't be a bad thing. I'll know to come off the pills when I get a bit of self worth I reckon. That'll be the decider.

Oh, and incidentally, thank you to my friends who commented on that last post. I finally got around to telling folk at work, and I think that's a good thing. I told my mum, and that was not a good thing. She kept me on the phone for an hour, and actually said "Well, they'll give out antidepressants for a headache nowadays," which kinda sucked a bit. She was on antidepressants, and what, I've got nothing to be depressed about, is that what you're saying? My pain isn't as much as yours? What to say, what to say... oh yes. Fuck That Shit.

Right, 7.51. Cigarette, toast, out. In a bit, y'all.

posted by Cos Ryan @ 6:08 AM